The Lap of Luxury

Dear Sammy,

I have a delicate problem. I’m just too cuddly. Every time my person sits down, he expects me to keep his lap warm for him. Out of a sense of duty, I’ll curl up on his lap and oblige. Believe me, I get no pleasure out of the warm lap and the petting, and the chin rubbing, but I take it. I think this is important bonding time, and really lets him know how lucky he is to have me. I’m happy to keep him happy, the problem is, he can sit there all night long. I don’t want to disturb him when he’s so comfortable, and I know jumping down will wake him up. I’ve even been known to delay a trip to the litter box because he looks so cute when he’s relaxing.

I’ve tried spending time on the couch, or in front of the fire, or in one of the five cat beds, but he looks so lonely when he sitting in the chair all alone. He tries to pretend he doesn’t care, he’ll pretend to read the newspaper or work on his computer, but I know he needs me. I know I’m just enabling him in his addiction to me, but I can’t bear to see him suffer. I know it’s mostly my fault since I just too adorable. I don’t want to him to get the notion that he can live without me. He can’t. But, how do I keep from spending every night, all night on his lap?

Cuddled in Carmichael

Dear Cuddled,

Your problem is not unique. This is a common ailment among humans. Well known among cat doctors, lapophilia is the overwhelming obsession to have a cat on the lap. While it curable, the cure is harsh and sometimes leads to side effects that are much worse than the disease itself, such as depression, lethargy, and in some extreme cases, becoming a dog person!

If you are adamant about curing your person, the cure involves ignoring him totally for at least three weeks. That means, no rubbing against his legs, no purring when he’s near, and absolutely no lap naps. However, many cats and people have learned to live with the disease. People have been known to live happy, productive lives. Spending time on a lap is not all bad. I quite enjoy it. You can be comfortable and know you are doing your part to keep your human’s disease under control. I would advise, though, not putting off those litter box trips. I’m sure your person would rather be disturbed a little than get a little present on his lap.

Sammy