Bothersome Brothers

Dear Sammy,

I’m the only girl in a family of four cats, and I have to tell you, it’s not a bed of roses being the only sister. My brothers all seem to think they can push me around. They shove me aside when I want to taste their food to make sure it’s not better than mine. They sneak onto my special bed when I’m not around and then try to deny it. I can tell when the cushions are overly compressed. They even fail to move from my favorite lap when I want it. I try to be patient, but really, how much can I take.

My problem is, I’m just too nice. I’m hoping you can give me some tips on how to be more assertive and stand up for my rights as the dominant female.

Annoyed in Antioch

Dear Annoyed,

You’re in luck. My sister Toni, the famous poet (her Miew Haikiew is read on all the best Facebook accounts) has agreed to answer your question since it deals with the female point of view.

My Dear Annoyed,

While my brother, Sammy, is very knowledgeable, he is right. Your case needs the girl touch. As you well know, males are terribly insensitive. They often fail to recognize a higher intelligence, namely us girls. When boys annoy, I like to say “Don’t get mad, get them in trouble.” I have a never fail trick I like to use, but before you do, it takes some prep work. Find yourself a mirror and practice your scared, in pain, and cute looks. You’ll also need to perfect your scared, in pain, and cute miews. Once you get to where you can fool yourself, you’re ready. When your person isn’t looking, initiate a game of chase with your target. Let him catch you just when your person comes in view. Then let loose with the scared or in pain yowl. Works every time! You end up with the treat and he ends up with a time out. The beauty of this plan is that boys can’t resist a game of chase, even when they know how it’s going to end. (note from Sammy: I never fall for this.) (note from Toni: Yeah, right.) Before you know it, you’ll be getting a lot more respect from your brothers.

A word of warning, though. Don’t expect miracles. They are still boys after all.

Keep purring,

Toni (and Sammy)