Menu Madness

Dear Sammy,

I’m writing to you about a very serious issue. Dinner! Well, actually breakfast, lunch, dinner and all those snacks that should fall in-between. My person has a big heart and really tries to do a good job. The problem is, she’s a vegan. I don’t have any problem with that, if she wants to eat those leafy greens and that disgusting tofu, more power to her. The problem is, she expects everyone in the house to follow her example. While that’s fine for the dogs, and the hamsters and the birds and the fish (did I mention she wants to save everything?), it’s just not working for me.

I admit, being part of a household is a big improvement over living on the streets. I really appreciate my cozy bed by the fire. But at least in the streets, I could forage for a meal behind the hamburger joint, and I knew which houses didn’t believe in leftovers. Pork roast night at the Parkers’ garbage bin was one of my favorites.

Now all I get is rice, oatmeal and other non-satisfying fare. I hate to complain, but I’m losing weight, and am starting to look at the dogs, hamsters, birds and fish in a different light. How do I Make my person relent and feed me some real food, and by “real food” I mean MEAT!

Suffering in Shingle Springs

Dear Suffering

It’s not often I get a life and death letter from a reader, but you do have a serious problem. Not everyone knows this, but we cats are carnivores. That doesn’t mean we hunt birds and mice when we don’t have a home because that’s the only thing we can find to eat. That means, we have to have at least some meat in order to get all the nutrients that keeps us to gorgeous and frisky. Think about it, do you ever see a tiger on one of those animal shows munching down on a nice leafy tree? No. We cat’s are complicated, but purr-fect machines, that need just the right fuel.

Before you resort to snacking on your housemates, try to convince you human the error of her ideas. Flip the channel to Animal Planet whenever you get a chance. I recently saw an episode of Animal Cops that address your very issue. Did you know that withholding meat from a cat is a form of animal neglect? See if you can get her to look up cat health on the web, or push cat magazines in front of her.

I know this will be hard to do when you’re starving, but it just may work. When she puts your vegetarian dinner down, howl pitifully and push it away. Draw in your inner actor and act hungry and lethargic all the time. Only show life when you see a cat food commercial on TV.

Hopefully, she’ll get the picture before members of the household start disappearing. Remember, this is only a last resort since it’s a short-term solution.

Take heart. Someone smart enough to want to save the planet will be smart enough to give you what you need.

Good luck!

Sammy