Dear Sammy,
Recently, I read an article that claimed dogs were smarter than cats. Just because dogs can learn more tricks and obey more commands they got the “smarter” label. I made the mistake of reading this to the beagle who lives with me, and now he goes around acting superior. He even had the nerve to protest when I finished his dinner. This is so wrong, and offends my cat senses so much I actually interrupted a nap to type this letter to you. How can we respond to this libel?
No Dummy in Novato
Dear No Dummy,
I feel your pain. For eons, cats have been underestimated because we are discerning. In the faulty tests done by people, they measure smartness by how many different commands dogs and cats can obey. While it’s true, dogs are much better at learning commands than cats, it’s not because they are smarter, it’s because they are more eager to please. Why “roll over” or “play dead” for a treat, when we cats can get the same treat just by looking hungry? We don’t need to “sit” or “stay” for attention when a leg rub and a purr will get us anything we want. What they don’t know is that we understand every word they say, we just choose to ignore most of them. The Egyptians had it right and honored us a gods. Do gods do tricks? No. Just the fact that you had to read the article to your canine friend proves our point.
Now that I’ve said that, let me say that being underestimated isn’t always a bad thing. If people knew how smart we are, they’d always be asking us to do things, and that could seriously get in the way of our beauty rest. Just look at the difference between cat shows and dog shows. In a dog show, the dogs are expected to run around a ring doing all sorts of embarrassing things. In a cat show, the judges come to the cats, and all we have to do is be beautiful. Who’s smarter?
I understand your frustration, but we know who’s smarter, don’t we. The next time, your doggy buddy acts superior, just call “squirrel” and you won’t have to worry about him for at least an hour.
Cheers!
Sammy
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Chair Share
Dear Sammy,
I’m having some personal space issues with my person. I have my nap spots, and usually she’s very respectful of my territorial rights. When I’m using a chair, she’ll sit somewhere else. She keeps two pillows on the bed, so we both have our own. My end of the sofa if mine alone, and I’ve never caught her on my climbing tree. The problem is the dining room chair. I have my favorite chair – it’s just my size, has the right amount of cushion, and has a nice indentation in the middle that’s perfect to curl up in. Apparently, it’s her favorite chair, too.
When she wants the chair, she doesn’t hesitate to shove me to the back and sit down. Now, I don’t mind sharing a lap from time to time, but this invades my personal space. That is to say, this chair’s not big enough for the two of us. Sometimes, she even has the nerve to pick me up and move me somewhere else, today alone, she moved me three times! I say that’s taking advantage of her bigger size.
How to get her to stop? After all, there are three other chairs at the table.
Bothered in Bowman
Dear Bothered,
I’m afraid you may have to give in on this one. People in general are not very territorial when it comes to cats. We are just so adorable when we’re napping, they would rather sit somewhere else than disturb us. It’s a survival thing. There is an exception, however, and that is their eating chair. Once a person picks a place to eat, it takes a major event to get them to change. Notice when they have guests to dinner, they will still sit in the same chairs and direct their guests to the unused ones.
In this case, you’ll have to take your own advice, and use one of the other three, unless you like the extra attention and aggravation. Don’t look at this as defeat. You can still win the war. Except for that one chair, you can still claim any other piece of furniture with your cuteness. The next time she heads for her favorite easy chair, beat her to it and get into your cutest position. If it looks like she’s still going to try and sit down, a plaintive mew will usually make her choose another seat. Do this just enough times to show her who’s boss, and it should ease the pain of losing one small battle.
Stay seated,
Sammy
I’m having some personal space issues with my person. I have my nap spots, and usually she’s very respectful of my territorial rights. When I’m using a chair, she’ll sit somewhere else. She keeps two pillows on the bed, so we both have our own. My end of the sofa if mine alone, and I’ve never caught her on my climbing tree. The problem is the dining room chair. I have my favorite chair – it’s just my size, has the right amount of cushion, and has a nice indentation in the middle that’s perfect to curl up in. Apparently, it’s her favorite chair, too.
When she wants the chair, she doesn’t hesitate to shove me to the back and sit down. Now, I don’t mind sharing a lap from time to time, but this invades my personal space. That is to say, this chair’s not big enough for the two of us. Sometimes, she even has the nerve to pick me up and move me somewhere else, today alone, she moved me three times! I say that’s taking advantage of her bigger size.
How to get her to stop? After all, there are three other chairs at the table.
Bothered in Bowman
Dear Bothered,
I’m afraid you may have to give in on this one. People in general are not very territorial when it comes to cats. We are just so adorable when we’re napping, they would rather sit somewhere else than disturb us. It’s a survival thing. There is an exception, however, and that is their eating chair. Once a person picks a place to eat, it takes a major event to get them to change. Notice when they have guests to dinner, they will still sit in the same chairs and direct their guests to the unused ones.
In this case, you’ll have to take your own advice, and use one of the other three, unless you like the extra attention and aggravation. Don’t look at this as defeat. You can still win the war. Except for that one chair, you can still claim any other piece of furniture with your cuteness. The next time she heads for her favorite easy chair, beat her to it and get into your cutest position. If it looks like she’s still going to try and sit down, a plaintive mew will usually make her choose another seat. Do this just enough times to show her who’s boss, and it should ease the pain of losing one small battle.
Stay seated,
Sammy
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Can't We All Be Friends?
Dear Sammy,
Don’t you have anything good to say about dogs? Don’t get me wrong, I know cats are the superior breed. I would never want to be a dog, but I do live with two dogs, and they aren’t all bad. I’ve grown rather fond of them to be honest. They never complain when I steal their food, and they make nice heaters to sleep next to in the winter.
I’m all for “Cats Rule, Dogs Drool” but hey, you’re a bit hard on our doggy friends. We’re you bitten on the tail as a kitten?
Tolerant in Turlock
Dear Tolerant
You are absolutely right, and maybe I have been a little harsh. When they aren’t being annoying, dogs do serve many purposes, besides the two you mention; a source of extra food and as space heaters. Dogs are great ego boosters (not that we cats need that). They love you even when you shove them off their beds or use their tails as a cat toy. They are great for taking the blame when you break something or chew the curtains. We haven’t quite figured out how to blame them for hairballs, but we’re working on it. Dogs have even been known to provide transportation, thought they do complain about the claws.
One of the biggest services dogs provide is doing the things we cats are too busy to do., like taking our people for walks and doing dumb tricks. When there’s a dog in the house, there’s a lot less pressure on the cat, and we can concentrate on the important things like napping and eating.
While I’m not ready to join Dog Lovers Incorporated, I will admit dogs to have their place, and, don’t quote me on this, sometimes are even nice to have around.
Now, I must go hiss at something.
Sammy
Don’t you have anything good to say about dogs? Don’t get me wrong, I know cats are the superior breed. I would never want to be a dog, but I do live with two dogs, and they aren’t all bad. I’ve grown rather fond of them to be honest. They never complain when I steal their food, and they make nice heaters to sleep next to in the winter.
I’m all for “Cats Rule, Dogs Drool” but hey, you’re a bit hard on our doggy friends. We’re you bitten on the tail as a kitten?
Tolerant in Turlock
Dear Tolerant
You are absolutely right, and maybe I have been a little harsh. When they aren’t being annoying, dogs do serve many purposes, besides the two you mention; a source of extra food and as space heaters. Dogs are great ego boosters (not that we cats need that). They love you even when you shove them off their beds or use their tails as a cat toy. They are great for taking the blame when you break something or chew the curtains. We haven’t quite figured out how to blame them for hairballs, but we’re working on it. Dogs have even been known to provide transportation, thought they do complain about the claws.
One of the biggest services dogs provide is doing the things we cats are too busy to do., like taking our people for walks and doing dumb tricks. When there’s a dog in the house, there’s a lot less pressure on the cat, and we can concentrate on the important things like napping and eating.
While I’m not ready to join Dog Lovers Incorporated, I will admit dogs to have their place, and, don’t quote me on this, sometimes are even nice to have around.
Now, I must go hiss at something.
Sammy
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Annoying Tag-a-Long
Dear Sammy,
My sister is becoming a big pain in the tail. She has to follow me around everywhere and do everything I do. If I’m chasing my tail, she has to chase her tail. If I want a drink of water, she has to stick her face in the water bowl, too. If I’m taking a nap, she has to take a nap. Well, maybe that’s not the best example since 90% of our time is spent napping. But you get the picture. I can’t get rid of her. Not only is she always there, but she commandeers anything I like. My human keeps a bunch of cat toy bottle caps around. I like the green one, so of course, she has to have the green one even though there are a ton of blue ones. I started napping on the footstool, and now every time I yawn, she jumps up on my footstool. Even when I sit on my person’s lap, she has to jump up and nudge me aside. His lap isn’t that big, but he makes room for her instead of pushing her off like he should.
What gives? How can I get her to stop tagging after me whatever I do. I’ve tried waking up mid-nap, not an easy thing to do, and sneaking away, but she seems to have brother radar. As soon as I move, she’s up and trotting after me. I’ve tried to tell her to leave me alone, but I think her hearing is bad. She completely ignores me. I know she’s doing this just to annoy me. Isn’t that what sisters do?
I already have a shadow, I don’t need another. How can I get my space back?
Crowded in Cisco Grove
Dear Crowded,
What you have here is a serious case of hero worship. She doesn’t want to annoy you, she wants to be you. She thinks that by doing everything you do, she can gain the confident strut and superior attitude that you obviously have. I’m sorry to tell you, there is no easy cure.
You have two choices. You can bask in the well-deserved adulation, or you can take unpleasant and drastic measures to disillusion her. The first has its advantages. Should you want to take a nibble out of her food dish, she won’t stop you, she’ll actually be flattered. If there’s a chore you don’t want to do, like pulling all the socks from the sock drawer, just start doing it. She’ll gladly finish it. You can easily get around her taking your toys and nap places, too. Just pretend to like something else. She’ll quickly move to your new toy, and you can pretend you’re playing with the old one because it’s the only thing left.
If you really want to get rid of her constant presence, you’re going to have to convince her you’re not worthy of her attention. One of the quickest ways is to start acting like a dog. Learn a trick or two. Fetch your person’s slippers or roll over on command. Beg for food. Get excited when your person comes in the door. It will be hard, and go against every fiber of your being, but it’s guaranteed to work. Even a cat with the worst case of hero worship, won’t be able to have any respect for you after a few days of doggie disillusion therapy.
I don’t recommend the second solution, however. There is a high risk it will scar you for life. I’ve seen cats who behave in this ridiculous fashion become so traumatized they experience an identity crisis and never do return to normal. There is good news. This state usually doesn’t last forever. In many cases, the hero worshiper eventually grows out of it, and then you’ll find yourself missing the attention. My best advice is take the first option and enjoy the adoration while it lasts.
Signing off,
Sammy
My sister is becoming a big pain in the tail. She has to follow me around everywhere and do everything I do. If I’m chasing my tail, she has to chase her tail. If I want a drink of water, she has to stick her face in the water bowl, too. If I’m taking a nap, she has to take a nap. Well, maybe that’s not the best example since 90% of our time is spent napping. But you get the picture. I can’t get rid of her. Not only is she always there, but she commandeers anything I like. My human keeps a bunch of cat toy bottle caps around. I like the green one, so of course, she has to have the green one even though there are a ton of blue ones. I started napping on the footstool, and now every time I yawn, she jumps up on my footstool. Even when I sit on my person’s lap, she has to jump up and nudge me aside. His lap isn’t that big, but he makes room for her instead of pushing her off like he should.
What gives? How can I get her to stop tagging after me whatever I do. I’ve tried waking up mid-nap, not an easy thing to do, and sneaking away, but she seems to have brother radar. As soon as I move, she’s up and trotting after me. I’ve tried to tell her to leave me alone, but I think her hearing is bad. She completely ignores me. I know she’s doing this just to annoy me. Isn’t that what sisters do?
I already have a shadow, I don’t need another. How can I get my space back?
Crowded in Cisco Grove
Dear Crowded,
What you have here is a serious case of hero worship. She doesn’t want to annoy you, she wants to be you. She thinks that by doing everything you do, she can gain the confident strut and superior attitude that you obviously have. I’m sorry to tell you, there is no easy cure.
You have two choices. You can bask in the well-deserved adulation, or you can take unpleasant and drastic measures to disillusion her. The first has its advantages. Should you want to take a nibble out of her food dish, she won’t stop you, she’ll actually be flattered. If there’s a chore you don’t want to do, like pulling all the socks from the sock drawer, just start doing it. She’ll gladly finish it. You can easily get around her taking your toys and nap places, too. Just pretend to like something else. She’ll quickly move to your new toy, and you can pretend you’re playing with the old one because it’s the only thing left.
If you really want to get rid of her constant presence, you’re going to have to convince her you’re not worthy of her attention. One of the quickest ways is to start acting like a dog. Learn a trick or two. Fetch your person’s slippers or roll over on command. Beg for food. Get excited when your person comes in the door. It will be hard, and go against every fiber of your being, but it’s guaranteed to work. Even a cat with the worst case of hero worship, won’t be able to have any respect for you after a few days of doggie disillusion therapy.
I don’t recommend the second solution, however. There is a high risk it will scar you for life. I’ve seen cats who behave in this ridiculous fashion become so traumatized they experience an identity crisis and never do return to normal. There is good news. This state usually doesn’t last forever. In many cases, the hero worshiper eventually grows out of it, and then you’ll find yourself missing the attention. My best advice is take the first option and enjoy the adoration while it lasts.
Signing off,
Sammy
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