Dear Sammy,
My person brought home a new brother for me the other day. I have to say, he doesn't seem too bright. He doesn't know anything about restraint. At mealtimes, he actually jumps up and down in excitement and then his dish is empty in less than five seconds. I'm sure he's never even heard the word finicky. And that's not all. He follows our person around everywhere, and even sits at the door waiting for him to come home. I've tried to tell him that his actions are sending the wrong message to our person. Soon he'll think he doesn't have to work to earn our love. On top of it all, this new addition is a very funny looking cat. He's kind of clumsy. Maybe he tries so hard because he's not beautiful. What's a big sister to do?
Perplexed in Petaluma
Dear Perplexed,
I hate to break it to you. Your human has brought home a dog! There's really not much you can do to train him to be regal. Dogs just don't have the brain power to grasp the many different ways we cats get our people to do what we want them to. The good news is, dogs are easily manipulated. Be his friend and he'll do anything for you. You can train him to bark when your person is approaching so you can jump off the table without getting caught. He'll play with your person when you don't feel like being cuddled, and when you do, one hiss will send him on his way. With a little work, between naps, you can soon have two servants working for you.
Sammy
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