Damaged Goods

Dear Sammy,

Help quick! My family has gone on vacation and will be back in two days. I need a quick answer. No, my problem isn’t the fact that they went away without asking me, and totally disrupted my routine. They think just because they have someone coming in twice a day to serve me, I’ll forgive them. Wrong. I have a schedule and they have completely messed it up. I know they expect some form of retaliation. The thing is, I may have gone too far. The leaves on the plant will grow back, and there are only a few new scratches on the furniture. But, when I pulled the tablecloth off the table, I didn’t know their fancy crystal vase was up there. I’m afraid it can’t be put back together. Unfortunately, I’m an only cat, no dog to take the blame. I want them to feel bad, not mad.

Nervous in Novato

Dear Nervous,

Two words. Think cute. Even the most insensitive person can’t resist cute. You have two days to practice your best moves. Here are some that work for me. The Sleeping Kitty. For some reason, people find a sleeping cat extremely cute. Maybe it’s the aura of innocence. The Lap & Purr is another good maneuver. People have a hard time being mad at a cat who is snuggled in their lap purring loudly. The key to this one is to pick the softest touch. That’s the person who will defend you if anyone else still wants to be mad. Finally we have the Playful Kitty. Chasing a ball, batting around a toy, and even chasing your tail will elicit oohs and ahhs from your family. No one is sure why, but it may have to do with the fact we sleep a lot, making any activity a surprise. Pick the one you think will work best on your family and practice it. Of course, it the vase had sentimental value, you may want to practice all three.