Weighty Woes

Dear Sammy,

For some reason, and it’s a mystery to me, I seem to have put on weight since my kitten days. It’s not like I’m lazy. I just get the normal 16 hours of sleep, and I only eat when I’m hungry, or when I’m passing by the dog’s dish. Yet, I still notice I’m getting a little rounder. My person even called me chubby the other day. I had to give her my best “you will respect the cat” glare. I guess it’s just a normal part of getting older, my metabolism must be slowing down. So, I’ve decided to start an exercise program. I’ve heard the word before, and when I looked it up, it seemed like it might be something I could try.

I decided to give the tread mill a try. My person uses it all the time, and seems to like it. The problem is, I’ve been using it for three weeks now, and nothing’s happened. At first, I was only using it for a few minutes a day, but it was so easy, I’m now up to an hour or more. It just doesn’t seem to be working. I think it may be defective. Sometimes I even sleep on it, but no matter how long I sit on the dumb thing, I don’t lose any weight.

Do you think I should keep trying the treadmill? If I drag my bed on it, I could spend even more time there. Or, should I try something else? My person also likes to run. Maybe if I slept on her running clothes, that would work.

Pleasantly Plump in Pleasanton

Dear Pleasantly Plump,

Kudos to you for giving it the old college try. Exercise is not instinctive to us cats. However, as you’re finding out, most of the things guaranteed to make you lose weight are just fads. The treadmill is one of the faddiest of the fads. Oh sure, they tell you to use it “just 10 minutes a day, and you’ll be amazed at how fast the weight disappears.” While they seem to work for people, I think it has something to do with them standing taller and gravity pulling the weight off, cats have had no luck with the things. I even heard from one cat who moved onto one, had her bed and food dishes on it, and only left to use the litter box. Even though she spent an entire week on the treadmill, she ended up gaining weight.

I know this is frustrating, but think about it. Do you really need to lose weight. Take a look in the mirror. I’ll wager you are a fine looking feline. Why should you conform to someone else’s idea of beauty? Be comfortable with who you are. You’re a cat. What’s not to love?

If you still feel the need to exercise, I’ve found the most effective piece of equipment is an empty box. You can push it around, jump in and out of it, and climb all over it. When you’re done, you can curl up and sleep in it.

Good luck!

Sammy