Vet Crush

Dear Sammy,

I think there is something seriously wrong with my brother. I mean beside the fact that he’s my brother, and therefore a boy. No offense to you, Sammy. I know you are an exception to the rule. Ok, back to my problem. My brother, actually likes going to the vet. Ugh! He used to be normal, just like the rest of us. He would protest every time the carrier came out. He used to have this really great technique for keeping out of the carrier. He called it “liquid kitty.” When our people tried to put him in the box, he’d go all limp and pour out of their hands. Once, they even had to cancel his appointment because he was so good at “liquid kitty.”

All that changed last year. Homer felt so bad, he didn’t even protest when out people put him in the carrier. For awhile, I thought they had gotten rid of him because he got sick (another reason to keep away from vets). He was gone for days, and when he came back, he was a different cat. He said everyone was “sooo nice” to him, gave him special food and treated him like a king. He even calls the ladies there his girlfriends. Now, when the carrier comes out, he walks right in, even if it’s not his turn to go. I think they either replaced him with a clone, or gave him some hallucinogenic drug. It’s really weirding me out. How do I get him back to his obnoxious self?

Concerned in Crystal Springs

Dear Concerned,

Your brother is experiencing what we call Vetholm Syndrome. Our normal instinct is to protest everything; a trip to the vet, a change in bed location, a new brand of food… You get the picture. It’s what we do. During a normal visit to the vet, our protest instinct remains strong. However, with extended exposure to vets and their nurses, they are able to break down the defenses of all but the strongest of cats. After being subjected to the sneaky technique of petting, playing and pampering, the poor cat gives in and starts to enjoy it. The next thing you know, the vet is his best friend. Those vets are diabolically clever.

We have yet to find a way to reverse the effects. Sometimes it will wear off, but in many poor cats, it is permanent. Your brother may be doomed to enjoy his vet visits from now on. Be assured, though, he is not a clone, he’s really your brother.

And, no offense taken on the “boy” comment. I am exceptional.

Sammy