Interpreting Human Speak

Dear Sammy,

I’ve been without a home for awhile, and just moved in with a person. So far, it’s been great. I love the regular meals, fluffy bed, and available laps. I’m having a little trouble with the language, however. Just what does that word “No” mean? I seem to hear it a lot. I’ll be going about my business, and suddenly one of my people will should “Skeeter, no!” I know the first part is my name, but what’s the second part? They usually seem a bit upset when they say it, and it startles me so much I usually forget what I was doing and have to start over later. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to why they say it. Sometimes I’m sharpening my claws (they’re nice enough to have many scratching opportunities), sometimes I’m rearranging things on a shelf, and sometimes I’m just hanging out on the kitchen table. But sometimes, I’ll do those same things and they don’t even notice. It can’t be too important, because, five minutes later, it’s back to cuddles and playtime. So, what do they mean when they say “No?”

Confused in Colusa

Dear Confused,

Don’t worry. Human speak is complicated and you can’t be expected to understand it after only a short time living with these exotic and often frustrating creatures.

Catsperts have been studying the word “No” for ages and even the best of us can’t decipher the definitive meaning. The most accepted theory is that the person saying it, wants the subject, the cat, to stop doing something. However, there is the question of why they don’t use it consistently. As you’ve experienced, you can get on the table ten times, and they’ll only get perturbed one or two times. So many of us, myself included, believe it means “Don’t do that when I can see you.”

Another popular theory is that people have a collective mind when it comes to cats, and some say dogs, too. For some reason, they feel their pets need a middle name, and almost all of them choose the name “No”

So don’t worry about “No” it doesn’t really mean anything important.

Carry on,

Sammy