Annoying Tag-a-Long

Dear Sammy,

My sister is becoming a big pain in the tail. She has to follow me around everywhere and do everything I do. If I’m chasing my tail, she has to chase her tail. If I want a drink of water, she has to stick her face in the water bowl, too. If I’m taking a nap, she has to take a nap. Well, maybe that’s not the best example since 90% of our time is spent napping. But you get the picture. I can’t get rid of her. Not only is she always there, but she commandeers anything I like. My human keeps a bunch of cat toy bottle caps around. I like the green one, so of course, she has to have the green one even though there are a ton of blue ones. I started napping on the footstool, and now every time I yawn, she jumps up on my footstool. Even when I sit on my person’s lap, she has to jump up and nudge me aside. His lap isn’t that big, but he makes room for her instead of pushing her off like he should.

What gives? How can I get her to stop tagging after me whatever I do. I’ve tried waking up mid-nap, not an easy thing to do, and sneaking away, but she seems to have brother radar. As soon as I move, she’s up and trotting after me. I’ve tried to tell her to leave me alone, but I think her hearing is bad. She completely ignores me. I know she’s doing this just to annoy me. Isn’t that what sisters do?

I already have a shadow, I don’t need another. How can I get my space back?

Crowded in Cisco Grove


Dear Crowded,

What you have here is a serious case of hero worship. She doesn’t want to annoy you, she wants to be you. She thinks that by doing everything you do, she can gain the confident strut and superior attitude that you obviously have. I’m sorry to tell you, there is no easy cure.

You have two choices. You can bask in the well-deserved adulation, or you can take unpleasant and drastic measures to disillusion her. The first has its advantages. Should you want to take a nibble out of her food dish, she won’t stop you, she’ll actually be flattered. If there’s a chore you don’t want to do, like pulling all the socks from the sock drawer, just start doing it. She’ll gladly finish it. You can easily get around her taking your toys and nap places, too. Just pretend to like something else. She’ll quickly move to your new toy, and you can pretend you’re playing with the old one because it’s the only thing left.

If you really want to get rid of her constant presence, you’re going to have to convince her you’re not worthy of her attention. One of the quickest ways is to start acting like a dog. Learn a trick or two. Fetch your person’s slippers or roll over on command. Beg for food. Get excited when your person comes in the door. It will be hard, and go against every fiber of your being, but it’s guaranteed to work. Even a cat with the worst case of hero worship, won’t be able to have any respect for you after a few days of doggie disillusion therapy.

I don’t recommend the second solution, however. There is a high risk it will scar you for life. I’ve seen cats who behave in this ridiculous fashion become so traumatized they experience an identity crisis and never do return to normal. There is good news. This state usually doesn’t last forever. In many cases, the hero worshiper eventually grows out of it, and then you’ll find yourself missing the attention. My best advice is take the first option and enjoy the adoration while it lasts.

Signing off,

Sammy