Mommy Blues

Dear Sammy,

I’m at my wit’s end and I’m hoping you can help. I am a mother with five adolescent cats and not of one of them will listen to a thing I say. I tell them not to fight, and they just fight all the more. I tell them not to steal each other’s food, but not a one of them will keep to their own bowl at mealtime. Sometimes, my third born (or was he the fourth born?) will even try to nudge me away from my dish. No respect! My people are no help. They just laugh at the kid’s antics. Of course I get no help from the fathers. All those toms disappeared as soon as they found out they were going to be dads.

So here I am, a single mother trying to raise five children to be upstanding cats. It’s not like I’m overly strict. As long as they don’t sleep in my spot on the couch, steal my food, or permanently maim each other, I’m happy. However, I would like to be able to tell them what to do occasionally. And they were such good kittens, but as soon as they didn’t have to depend on me for meals, they became unruly hooligans.

What’s a mother to do?

Stymied in Susanville

Dear Stymied,

Not having any children myself, having had an unfortunate accident when I was quite young, But I digress. Ungrateful children is a universal problem. You would be surprised to learn that even people have this problem. In many cases, we house cats don’t have to deal with the problem as children generally move away as soon as they’re old enough. Then we don’t have to be bothered by their bad behavior. This, I know, doesn’t help you. You are one of the rare cases where the kids just won’t leave home.

One solution is to do what cats have done since time began and their children grow out of kitten hood and into pain-in-the-neck-hood. Have another litter. I have heard of some felines who have children every three months. This way, they always have agreeable kittens to order around. This isn’t for everyone as it does get quite tiresome to always be feeding your little ones. It does cramp a kitty’s style. Even worse, as soon as your kittens have kittens, they will expect you to kitten-sit.

A more workable fix is to find a substitute kitten that won’t constantly disobey or annoy you. I myself have a feathered companion (yes, male cats do have parental longings sometimes). Fuzzy is covered with blue feathers and has a long, stiff tail. He’s the perfect kitten. He never complains, is a great listener, follows me when I want him to, stays where I put him, and never ever steals my food. Best of all, he’ll never grow up and ignore me. My advice is to get yourself a “Fuzzy” of your own, and then you won’t be annoyed by what your offspring are up to. You can even pretend those rascals racing through the house are not even related to you.

Wishing you a “Fuzzy” future,

Sammy