Dear Sammy,
Can you offer some advice for a gorgeous feline who is constantly rejected by her one true love? It’s true! Despite the fact that I have hypnotic emerald green eyes, and luxurious, long, silky black and white fur, I keep facing rejection. I live mostly indoors, can’t risk getting burrs in my fur, you know, while the object of my affection, let’s call him Jerome, lives mainly outdoors. I know he likes me because when our eyes meet through the window, there’s a spark. But, when I go outside, the story changes. The minute I leave the house, it’s like I’m nothing special. He’ll acknowledge my presence, and maybe even engage in a little sniffing, but the second I look for something more, he’ll just walk away. It’s the same when he occasionally comes inside the house. Both he and my person like watching “Numbers” on Friday nights, so he’ll come in to watch TV. But, can I even get him to say two words to me when he’s inside. No! Then, when there’s glass between us again, he’s all flirty.
It’s not like he’s all that hot. He’s a skinny grey thing. Ok, he does have mesmerizing eyes. But still, he should consider himself lucky to have me for a girlfriend. If I weren’t so beautiful, I might begin to feel inferior, maybe. How can I ensnare him in my claws and make him my slave, the way it should be?
Rejected in Roseville
Dear Rejected,
What we have here is a classic case of “Furry Nerves.” It affects outdoor male cats mainly, but has been known in rare cases with indoor cats. It’s when an outdoor cat feels inferior to an indoor cat. When he is safely separated from the indoor cat, he is full of confidence and acts like a Fat Cat. He’ll strut his stuff and act tough. While that protective glass is between him and his amour, he’s in his element. However, take away that safety shield, and he doesn’t know what to do. So he acts like he doesn’t care. I myself, have never suffered from these, or any other kind of nerves, but I have done extensive study of it.
Don’t take it personally, with a female as enchanting as you, and I can tell by the liver scented stationery you used, any tom would be intimidated. For a cat with “Furry Nerves” your charms are just too much. He doesn’t talk to you because he is unable to. You rob him of the power to screech. His only defense if to pretend he doesn’t choose to talk to you.
While there are cases where indoor and outdoor cats have successfully bridged the gap and had a lovely relationship, do you really want that? For one thing, even if you do overcome the intimidation factor, he’s still an outdoor cat. He’ll never be as refined as you are. Can a gal who dines on the finest kitty feast be happy with fellow who thinks stinky squirrel is the ultimate in cuisine? My advice to you is enjoy the forbidden pleasure of an impossible romance. Have your fun flirting through the window, and enjoy the power of making a male speechless.
Should you ever be in my neighborhood, I’ll show you how a real cat treats his lady.
Vive L‘amour,
Sammy
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