Sunday, August 28, 2011

Interpreting Human Speak

Dear Sammy,

I’ve been without a home for awhile, and just moved in with a person. So far, it’s been great. I love the regular meals, fluffy bed, and available laps. I’m having a little trouble with the language, however. Just what does that word “No” mean? I seem to hear it a lot. I’ll be going about my business, and suddenly one of my people will should “Skeeter, no!” I know the first part is my name, but what’s the second part? They usually seem a bit upset when they say it, and it startles me so much I usually forget what I was doing and have to start over later. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to why they say it. Sometimes I’m sharpening my claws (they’re nice enough to have many scratching opportunities), sometimes I’m rearranging things on a shelf, and sometimes I’m just hanging out on the kitchen table. But sometimes, I’ll do those same things and they don’t even notice. It can’t be too important, because, five minutes later, it’s back to cuddles and playtime. So, what do they mean when they say “No?”

Confused in Colusa

Dear Confused,

Don’t worry. Human speak is complicated and you can’t be expected to understand it after only a short time living with these exotic and often frustrating creatures.

Catsperts have been studying the word “No” for ages and even the best of us can’t decipher the definitive meaning. The most accepted theory is that the person saying it, wants the subject, the cat, to stop doing something. However, there is the question of why they don’t use it consistently. As you’ve experienced, you can get on the table ten times, and they’ll only get perturbed one or two times. So many of us, myself included, believe it means “Don’t do that when I can see you.”

Another popular theory is that people have a collective mind when it comes to cats, and some say dogs, too. For some reason, they feel their pets need a middle name, and almost all of them choose the name “No”

So don’t worry about “No” it doesn’t really mean anything important.

Carry on,

Sammy

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Get Well Gift

Dear Sammy,

My person is going to the vet this week. I’m not sure what she’s going in for, but I think it’s more than just her annual rabies shot. She seems a little nervous, and I’d like to know what I can do to help. Part of me says it serves her right. She doesn’t seem to mind throwing me in a cage and carting me off to get poked and probed, despite my protests. But I’m getting off track. For the most part, she’s a pretty good human. She feeds be twice a day, and doesn’t protest too much when I sneak food from my sister’s bowl. She gives a mean belly rub, and she shares her comfy chair with me.

What can I get her that will make her feel better when she comes home from the vet? I was thinking a blue jay or a squirrel. I’d even give her the best part; the head. Or perhaps, a little catnip would do the trick. It always makes me feel better. I want to help her feel better soon. After all, the sooner she feels better, the sooner she can get back to feeding me.

I Care in Ione

Dear I Care,

It is commendable that you wish to help your person get through a difficult time. After all, people are adverse to going to the vet, just as much as we are. True, they don’t have to ride in a cage, and don’t cry all the way there (at least most of them don’t), but all the same, they don’t find it an enjoyable experience. When the have to go see a person called a surgeon, it’s even less pleasant. Good for you for caring.

However, what makes kitties feel better, sometimes has the opposite effect on people. Consider the hairball. There’s few things that feel as good as getting rid of one, and you’re left with a visible symbol of your accomplishment. Try to show it off for your person, though, and all you’ll get is a snot of disgust and quick removal. The same goes for dead animals. We off them to share our bounty, and people just want them out of site.

Don’t fret. You are not without options, and those options are surprisingly easy. You have a secret weapon to make your person feel much better with very little effort from you. A purr and a cuddle is all you need to become a veritable angle of mercy for you invalid. Whenever you get the chance, cuddle up beside her and purr loudly. I guarantee you, she’ll feel better immediately. Keep up this therapy, and you’ll have her back on her feet in no time.

Give her a purr for me,

Sammy