Delusional Doctor

Dear Sammy,

I have just had a very disturbing visit to the vet. Of course every visit is an unnecessary aggravation, but this one was the worst. Aside from the usual indignities, poking, prodding, pricking, he had to nerve to say I was overweight! Can you believe it? I’m just big boned. Not only does he say I have to cut down on my favorite hobbies, eating and sleeping, but he wants me to do the absurd, exercise and diet. He’s not very bright. Just how am I supposed to exercise when I’m too weak from lack of food to move? What can I do to convince my person that the vet’s a quack?

Flabbergasted in Folsom

Dear Flabbergasted,

You’d be surprised how often I get this complaint. If you ask me, and you did, how can habits that are so instinctive to cats, like eating and sleeping, be wrong? They are survival reactions. Think about it, no one can resist a sleeping cat. We are sooo cute when we’re dreaming. We can make a person sit for hours just by getting in his lap and pretending to sleep. And eating, well, you know what happens when we don’t eat. Aside from the obvious, it’s just polite to eat what we’re given, and to let our people know that we appreciate them.

That said. vets need to think they didn't go to vet school for nothing, and they can get annoying unless you throw them a bone, pardon the expression. Pretend you’re cutting back on your food, you can always augment regular meals with kitty treats, and you know how to get those, sleeping isn't the only thing in our cute arsenal. As for the exercise, make sure your owner has to work for it. For every calorie you burn, make her burn two. Don’t fall for any of those toys you can play with by yourself, make her roll the ball, or swing the feather, or even play a brisk game of tag. But, don’t budge unless she comes up with something fun to do. You may even have fun getting all the extra attention.
Take it easy,

Sammy