Sunday, December 4, 2011

Holiday Confusion

Dear Sammy,

I’m confused about all the strange way my people act around this time of year. They go around talking about “the spirit of giving” and “the happiest time of the year,” and then they yell at me for trying to join in the festivities. I think the stress of the season may cause them to take on multiple personalities. Let me explain.

First, they go to all the trouble of putting up a new cat tree for me. They spend hours placing shiny balls and other tempting treats on it. It’s obvious, they want me to take advantage of it. So, just to make them happy, I try to play with each of the toys on the tree, even though they sometimes goof, and put some too high for me to reach without climbing the tree. Then, they yell at me if I happen to knock something off the tree. The other day, when I made it to the top of the tree to play with the pretty angel, they, to put it mildly, freaked out. I haven’t heard my person squeal so loud since I brought her that mouse. It startled me so much, I lost my grip on the tree and had to grab the window blinds to keep from crashing to the ground, which unfortunately, the tree did. It gets worse. Instead of be grateful I wasn’t injured, they yelled at me about the blinds. What gives? Why do they put all those cat toys out if they don’t want me to play with them. If I wasn’t around, they would just go to waste. I never see my people playing with them, unless they do it while I’m napping, but I doubt it.

So, what do I do? Ignore the presents, which would be rude, and probably, impossible, or put up with the yelling.

Perplexed in Petaluma

Dear Perplexed,

I don’t know how many letters I get like this around the holidays. Despite all the songs about “peace on earth” and “ho ho ho,” people go completely nuts around the holidays. They try so hard to make merry, that they forget that not everyone enjoys the same things.

I know you may find this hard to believe, but people put up tempting trees and other decorations just to look at them. No, I’m not kidding. Even more extraordinary, they expect us cats to subscribe to the same outrageous theory. They don’t realize that it is quite impossible for use to pass shiny, swingy things without giving them at least a little bat. Still, you can avoid the yelling. I’ve lived with people for years, and I’ve learned to play with the decorations when no one is around to see. Even if you do knock a few things down, they have no proof it was you, unless they actually find you in the tree. If you have brothers or sisters, you can always point paws. It’s even better if you live with a dog. Dogs are always good to take the blame. They don’t even mind.

So, you can enjoy the holiday decorations to your heart’s content. Just learn to be a little sneaky.

Happy batting!

Sammy