Dear Sammy,
I’m having some personal space issues with my person. I have my nap spots, and usually she’s very respectful of my territorial rights. When I’m using a chair, she’ll sit somewhere else. She keeps two pillows on the bed, so we both have our own. My end of the sofa if mine alone, and I’ve never caught her on my climbing tree. The problem is the dining room chair. I have my favorite chair – it’s just my size, has the right amount of cushion, and has a nice indentation in the middle that’s perfect to curl up in. Apparently, it’s her favorite chair, too.
When she wants the chair, she doesn’t hesitate to shove me to the back and sit down. Now, I don’t mind sharing a lap from time to time, but this invades my personal space. That is to say, this chair’s not big enough for the two of us. Sometimes, she even has the nerve to pick me up and move me somewhere else, today alone, she moved me three times! I say that’s taking advantage of her bigger size.
How to get her to stop? After all, there are three other chairs at the table.
Bothered in Bowman
Dear Bothered,
I’m afraid you may have to give in on this one. People in general are not very territorial when it comes to cats. We are just so adorable when we’re napping, they would rather sit somewhere else than disturb us. It’s a survival thing. There is an exception, however, and that is their eating chair. Once a person picks a place to eat, it takes a major event to get them to change. Notice when they have guests to dinner, they will still sit in the same chairs and direct their guests to the unused ones.
In this case, you’ll have to take your own advice, and use one of the other three, unless you like the extra attention and aggravation. Don’t look at this as defeat. You can still win the war. Except for that one chair, you can still claim any other piece of furniture with your cuteness. The next time she heads for her favorite easy chair, beat her to it and get into your cutest position. If it looks like she’s still going to try and sit down, a plaintive mew will usually make her choose another seat. Do this just enough times to show her who’s boss, and it should ease the pain of losing one small battle.
Stay seated,
Sammy
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Can't We All Be Friends?
Dear Sammy,
Don’t you have anything good to say about dogs? Don’t get me wrong, I know cats are the superior breed. I would never want to be a dog, but I do live with two dogs, and they aren’t all bad. I’ve grown rather fond of them to be honest. They never complain when I steal their food, and they make nice heaters to sleep next to in the winter.
I’m all for “Cats Rule, Dogs Drool” but hey, you’re a bit hard on our doggy friends. We’re you bitten on the tail as a kitten?
Tolerant in Turlock
Dear Tolerant
You are absolutely right, and maybe I have been a little harsh. When they aren’t being annoying, dogs do serve many purposes, besides the two you mention; a source of extra food and as space heaters. Dogs are great ego boosters (not that we cats need that). They love you even when you shove them off their beds or use their tails as a cat toy. They are great for taking the blame when you break something or chew the curtains. We haven’t quite figured out how to blame them for hairballs, but we’re working on it. Dogs have even been known to provide transportation, thought they do complain about the claws.
One of the biggest services dogs provide is doing the things we cats are too busy to do., like taking our people for walks and doing dumb tricks. When there’s a dog in the house, there’s a lot less pressure on the cat, and we can concentrate on the important things like napping and eating.
While I’m not ready to join Dog Lovers Incorporated, I will admit dogs to have their place, and, don’t quote me on this, sometimes are even nice to have around.
Now, I must go hiss at something.
Sammy
Don’t you have anything good to say about dogs? Don’t get me wrong, I know cats are the superior breed. I would never want to be a dog, but I do live with two dogs, and they aren’t all bad. I’ve grown rather fond of them to be honest. They never complain when I steal their food, and they make nice heaters to sleep next to in the winter.
I’m all for “Cats Rule, Dogs Drool” but hey, you’re a bit hard on our doggy friends. We’re you bitten on the tail as a kitten?
Tolerant in Turlock
Dear Tolerant
You are absolutely right, and maybe I have been a little harsh. When they aren’t being annoying, dogs do serve many purposes, besides the two you mention; a source of extra food and as space heaters. Dogs are great ego boosters (not that we cats need that). They love you even when you shove them off their beds or use their tails as a cat toy. They are great for taking the blame when you break something or chew the curtains. We haven’t quite figured out how to blame them for hairballs, but we’re working on it. Dogs have even been known to provide transportation, thought they do complain about the claws.
One of the biggest services dogs provide is doing the things we cats are too busy to do., like taking our people for walks and doing dumb tricks. When there’s a dog in the house, there’s a lot less pressure on the cat, and we can concentrate on the important things like napping and eating.
While I’m not ready to join Dog Lovers Incorporated, I will admit dogs to have their place, and, don’t quote me on this, sometimes are even nice to have around.
Now, I must go hiss at something.
Sammy
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Annoying Tag-a-Long
Dear Sammy,
My sister is becoming a big pain in the tail. She has to follow me around everywhere and do everything I do. If I’m chasing my tail, she has to chase her tail. If I want a drink of water, she has to stick her face in the water bowl, too. If I’m taking a nap, she has to take a nap. Well, maybe that’s not the best example since 90% of our time is spent napping. But you get the picture. I can’t get rid of her. Not only is she always there, but she commandeers anything I like. My human keeps a bunch of cat toy bottle caps around. I like the green one, so of course, she has to have the green one even though there are a ton of blue ones. I started napping on the footstool, and now every time I yawn, she jumps up on my footstool. Even when I sit on my person’s lap, she has to jump up and nudge me aside. His lap isn’t that big, but he makes room for her instead of pushing her off like he should.
What gives? How can I get her to stop tagging after me whatever I do. I’ve tried waking up mid-nap, not an easy thing to do, and sneaking away, but she seems to have brother radar. As soon as I move, she’s up and trotting after me. I’ve tried to tell her to leave me alone, but I think her hearing is bad. She completely ignores me. I know she’s doing this just to annoy me. Isn’t that what sisters do?
I already have a shadow, I don’t need another. How can I get my space back?
Crowded in Cisco Grove
Dear Crowded,
What you have here is a serious case of hero worship. She doesn’t want to annoy you, she wants to be you. She thinks that by doing everything you do, she can gain the confident strut and superior attitude that you obviously have. I’m sorry to tell you, there is no easy cure.
You have two choices. You can bask in the well-deserved adulation, or you can take unpleasant and drastic measures to disillusion her. The first has its advantages. Should you want to take a nibble out of her food dish, she won’t stop you, she’ll actually be flattered. If there’s a chore you don’t want to do, like pulling all the socks from the sock drawer, just start doing it. She’ll gladly finish it. You can easily get around her taking your toys and nap places, too. Just pretend to like something else. She’ll quickly move to your new toy, and you can pretend you’re playing with the old one because it’s the only thing left.
If you really want to get rid of her constant presence, you’re going to have to convince her you’re not worthy of her attention. One of the quickest ways is to start acting like a dog. Learn a trick or two. Fetch your person’s slippers or roll over on command. Beg for food. Get excited when your person comes in the door. It will be hard, and go against every fiber of your being, but it’s guaranteed to work. Even a cat with the worst case of hero worship, won’t be able to have any respect for you after a few days of doggie disillusion therapy.
I don’t recommend the second solution, however. There is a high risk it will scar you for life. I’ve seen cats who behave in this ridiculous fashion become so traumatized they experience an identity crisis and never do return to normal. There is good news. This state usually doesn’t last forever. In many cases, the hero worshiper eventually grows out of it, and then you’ll find yourself missing the attention. My best advice is take the first option and enjoy the adoration while it lasts.
Signing off,
Sammy
My sister is becoming a big pain in the tail. She has to follow me around everywhere and do everything I do. If I’m chasing my tail, she has to chase her tail. If I want a drink of water, she has to stick her face in the water bowl, too. If I’m taking a nap, she has to take a nap. Well, maybe that’s not the best example since 90% of our time is spent napping. But you get the picture. I can’t get rid of her. Not only is she always there, but she commandeers anything I like. My human keeps a bunch of cat toy bottle caps around. I like the green one, so of course, she has to have the green one even though there are a ton of blue ones. I started napping on the footstool, and now every time I yawn, she jumps up on my footstool. Even when I sit on my person’s lap, she has to jump up and nudge me aside. His lap isn’t that big, but he makes room for her instead of pushing her off like he should.
What gives? How can I get her to stop tagging after me whatever I do. I’ve tried waking up mid-nap, not an easy thing to do, and sneaking away, but she seems to have brother radar. As soon as I move, she’s up and trotting after me. I’ve tried to tell her to leave me alone, but I think her hearing is bad. She completely ignores me. I know she’s doing this just to annoy me. Isn’t that what sisters do?
I already have a shadow, I don’t need another. How can I get my space back?
Crowded in Cisco Grove
Dear Crowded,
What you have here is a serious case of hero worship. She doesn’t want to annoy you, she wants to be you. She thinks that by doing everything you do, she can gain the confident strut and superior attitude that you obviously have. I’m sorry to tell you, there is no easy cure.
You have two choices. You can bask in the well-deserved adulation, or you can take unpleasant and drastic measures to disillusion her. The first has its advantages. Should you want to take a nibble out of her food dish, she won’t stop you, she’ll actually be flattered. If there’s a chore you don’t want to do, like pulling all the socks from the sock drawer, just start doing it. She’ll gladly finish it. You can easily get around her taking your toys and nap places, too. Just pretend to like something else. She’ll quickly move to your new toy, and you can pretend you’re playing with the old one because it’s the only thing left.
If you really want to get rid of her constant presence, you’re going to have to convince her you’re not worthy of her attention. One of the quickest ways is to start acting like a dog. Learn a trick or two. Fetch your person’s slippers or roll over on command. Beg for food. Get excited when your person comes in the door. It will be hard, and go against every fiber of your being, but it’s guaranteed to work. Even a cat with the worst case of hero worship, won’t be able to have any respect for you after a few days of doggie disillusion therapy.
I don’t recommend the second solution, however. There is a high risk it will scar you for life. I’ve seen cats who behave in this ridiculous fashion become so traumatized they experience an identity crisis and never do return to normal. There is good news. This state usually doesn’t last forever. In many cases, the hero worshiper eventually grows out of it, and then you’ll find yourself missing the attention. My best advice is take the first option and enjoy the adoration while it lasts.
Signing off,
Sammy
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Food Dish Fury
Dear Sammy,
My sister is driving me nuts. At every mealtime, she sticks her face in my bowl and insists on taking the first couple bites. True, I do get served before her, but that’s because there are five of us and our person only has two hands. She can’t carry five bowls at the same time. But, there can’t be more than two meows between when she puts down my bowl and when sis gets hers. My brother patiently waits for his meal, but sis is apparently so hungry she can’t wait. She never steals from my other brothers, just me. then, if I try to snag anything from her bowl, she yowls so loud it brings our person running and I get scolded.
Just once, I’d like to eat my own meal in peace. Any suggestions? And yes, I’ve tried reasoning with her, but seriously, you know there’s no reasoning with any of us felines.
Fuming in Fair Oaks
Dear Famished,
Rather than fuming, you should be flattered. I’m guessing this is your older sister and that she’s never had kittens of her own. What she’s doing is quite common for a kittenless cat with younger siblings. She’s expressing her protective mothering instincts on you. She’s not stealing your food. She’s making sure it’s safe to eat. In the wild, which I hope you never experience, mother cats will taste the food before letting their kittens eat. This is to make sure the food is not rotten or, shudder, poisoned. Obviously, you are her favorite brother if she doesn’t do this for any of your other siblings. So, don’t give her a hard time about it, and if you’re really hungry, just grab a few bites from somebody else’s dish. Here’s a tip I don’t tell everyone. Hang out by the dinner table when your people are nearing the end of their meal. Even the strictest people can’t help passing a scrap or two to a hungry kitty.
Sammy
My sister is driving me nuts. At every mealtime, she sticks her face in my bowl and insists on taking the first couple bites. True, I do get served before her, but that’s because there are five of us and our person only has two hands. She can’t carry five bowls at the same time. But, there can’t be more than two meows between when she puts down my bowl and when sis gets hers. My brother patiently waits for his meal, but sis is apparently so hungry she can’t wait. She never steals from my other brothers, just me. then, if I try to snag anything from her bowl, she yowls so loud it brings our person running and I get scolded.
Just once, I’d like to eat my own meal in peace. Any suggestions? And yes, I’ve tried reasoning with her, but seriously, you know there’s no reasoning with any of us felines.
Fuming in Fair Oaks
Dear Famished,
Rather than fuming, you should be flattered. I’m guessing this is your older sister and that she’s never had kittens of her own. What she’s doing is quite common for a kittenless cat with younger siblings. She’s expressing her protective mothering instincts on you. She’s not stealing your food. She’s making sure it’s safe to eat. In the wild, which I hope you never experience, mother cats will taste the food before letting their kittens eat. This is to make sure the food is not rotten or, shudder, poisoned. Obviously, you are her favorite brother if she doesn’t do this for any of your other siblings. So, don’t give her a hard time about it, and if you’re really hungry, just grab a few bites from somebody else’s dish. Here’s a tip I don’t tell everyone. Hang out by the dinner table when your people are nearing the end of their meal. Even the strictest people can’t help passing a scrap or two to a hungry kitty.
Sammy
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Clean or Obsessive?
Dear Sammy,
The woman I live with is obsessively clean. Just when I get my beds and blankets smelling just right, and with just the right amount of hair to make them comfortable, she takes them away and throws them in a water machine. When she’s done with them, all my hard work has gone down the drain. Literally. It’s not just the annoyance of being without these essential items for sometimes hours, but when I finally do get them back, it takes days to get them back to where I like them. Then, the cycle starts all over again. And that’s not all. She chases me around with this horrible noise machine that picks up all the fur I’ve left to mark my territory. If I’m not quick, one day she’ll catch me an remove all my fur.
Normally, we get on famously, but this obsession is threatening our relationship. What’s up with her? Is it some sick game she’s playing just to mess with my mind?
Consternated in Carmichael
Dear Consternated,
Calm yourself. Your person is neither mad nor obsessed. After many years of observing them most catsperts agree, people are creatures of habit. They can’t help themselves. Once they do something once, they have to keep doing it. For some reason, in the distant history of personkind, one person thought it would be a good idea to wash everything. Now, they all do it. While it makes our life more difficult, have to constantly remark everything, it does give us something to do between naps.
In the meantime, if your bed is in the wash at naptime, just find somewhere else to nap. Any cushioned place will do, the dining room chair, the people bed, the sofa. I had a letter about a cat who enjoyed stinky socks. Not my cup of tea, but to each his own.
The woman I live with is obsessively clean. Just when I get my beds and blankets smelling just right, and with just the right amount of hair to make them comfortable, she takes them away and throws them in a water machine. When she’s done with them, all my hard work has gone down the drain. Literally. It’s not just the annoyance of being without these essential items for sometimes hours, but when I finally do get them back, it takes days to get them back to where I like them. Then, the cycle starts all over again. And that’s not all. She chases me around with this horrible noise machine that picks up all the fur I’ve left to mark my territory. If I’m not quick, one day she’ll catch me an remove all my fur.
Normally, we get on famously, but this obsession is threatening our relationship. What’s up with her? Is it some sick game she’s playing just to mess with my mind?
Consternated in Carmichael
Dear Consternated,
Calm yourself. Your person is neither mad nor obsessed. After many years of observing them most catsperts agree, people are creatures of habit. They can’t help themselves. Once they do something once, they have to keep doing it. For some reason, in the distant history of personkind, one person thought it would be a good idea to wash everything. Now, they all do it. While it makes our life more difficult, have to constantly remark everything, it does give us something to do between naps.
In the meantime, if your bed is in the wash at naptime, just find somewhere else to nap. Any cushioned place will do, the dining room chair, the people bed, the sofa. I had a letter about a cat who enjoyed stinky socks. Not my cup of tea, but to each his own.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
What's With the Basket?
Dear Sammy,
People are very strange. For the most part, they’re ok to have around. They feed me, give me the occasional treat, and don’t bother me when I’m napping – most of the time. I’m hoping you can explain a peculiar habit my people have. I’m really hoping this is a common oddity among people and that I’m not living with some real weirdoes.
Here’s the thing. Every week, my people fill a basket with nice warm bedding, but no sooner do I jump in and settle down for a nap, but they empty the basket (sometimes with me still in it) and put away all the clothes. If that weren’t strange enough, then they do it all over again. They’ll do this several times for a couple days, and then they seem to get it out of their system for a few days. But, just when things get back to normal, they start all over again. What gives? Are they just doing it to get me, knowing I can’t resist the lure of a basketful of stuff warm from that warming machine. Why do they go to the bother of warming up stuff if not for me to sleep on it? Should I be getting them professional help?
Wondering in Wildwood
Dear Wondering,
Don’t be alarmed. You’re people are not psychotic, at least not because of this. They are just following their instincts. The first thing you need to remember is people are not cats, but they wish they were. So they do a lot of things unconsciously to deal with their frustrations.
This particular habit is what the experts call “nesting.” Unlike us, people cannot curl up for a cat nap in just any soft place. Every so often, their instinct kicks in to create a comfortable place to curl up in. Hence, the nice, warm basket. Then, they wake up, so to speak, and realize they will never fit and they take it apart. Because this is an instinctive behavior, they can’t help it any more than you can help taking advantage of their nest. Sometimes we just have to be patient with our people and let them work out things on their own.
In the meantime, enjoy the little nests they make when you get the chance and if they do kick you out, realize it’s not personal, it’s just their way of dealing with the limitations of not being a cat.
Best of Luck,
Sammy
People are very strange. For the most part, they’re ok to have around. They feed me, give me the occasional treat, and don’t bother me when I’m napping – most of the time. I’m hoping you can explain a peculiar habit my people have. I’m really hoping this is a common oddity among people and that I’m not living with some real weirdoes.
Here’s the thing. Every week, my people fill a basket with nice warm bedding, but no sooner do I jump in and settle down for a nap, but they empty the basket (sometimes with me still in it) and put away all the clothes. If that weren’t strange enough, then they do it all over again. They’ll do this several times for a couple days, and then they seem to get it out of their system for a few days. But, just when things get back to normal, they start all over again. What gives? Are they just doing it to get me, knowing I can’t resist the lure of a basketful of stuff warm from that warming machine. Why do they go to the bother of warming up stuff if not for me to sleep on it? Should I be getting them professional help?
Wondering in Wildwood
Dear Wondering,
Don’t be alarmed. You’re people are not psychotic, at least not because of this. They are just following their instincts. The first thing you need to remember is people are not cats, but they wish they were. So they do a lot of things unconsciously to deal with their frustrations.
This particular habit is what the experts call “nesting.” Unlike us, people cannot curl up for a cat nap in just any soft place. Every so often, their instinct kicks in to create a comfortable place to curl up in. Hence, the nice, warm basket. Then, they wake up, so to speak, and realize they will never fit and they take it apart. Because this is an instinctive behavior, they can’t help it any more than you can help taking advantage of their nest. Sometimes we just have to be patient with our people and let them work out things on their own.
In the meantime, enjoy the little nests they make when you get the chance and if they do kick you out, realize it’s not personal, it’s just their way of dealing with the limitations of not being a cat.
Best of Luck,
Sammy
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Air Rage
Dear Sammy,
I am so disgusted with flying, I’m spitting mad. Last week, my person and I were looking forward to a nice vacation to the Catskills. It was going to be great. She bought a new wardrobe, and I got a new collar and a special carrier guaranteed to fit under the airplane seat. Not, my favorite way to travel, but it’s worth it to go to a place names for cats. Imagine my indignation, when upon boarding the plane, we found out the seats were smaller than advertised. No matter how much my person pushed, it just would not fit in that space. I can tell you, all that shaking was not pleasant. To add insult to injury, instead of letting me ride in the cockpit as an apology for misrepresenting their dimensions, they forced me to ride in baggage! You read right. BAGGAGE! With the dogs! How humiliating.
I was so upset, it took three naps before I could unwind and enjoy the vacation. I would have been a bundle of nerves the whole time, if my person hadn’t changed our return flight to another airline as soon as we landed, after the original airline refused to either return any of our money (at least the price of my fancy new carrier) or upgrade us to first class for the return.
My question for you, is what can we do about it now that we’re home. I think we should sue. After all, I went through a lot of pain and suffering. My person, however, thinks we should just forget about it. What do you think?
Outraged in Orangevale
Dear Outraged,
I find that the easiest solution to your problem is not to travel at all. I just don’t understand people’s obsession with seeing new places. I have a cozy bed, a nice fireplace, plenty of food and my hedgehog on a stick right here at home. What else could I possibly want to see. I’ve found that trips very rarely lead to anything worthwhile. Actually, most times I have to leave my home it’s to visit the vet, a nice guy, but not a pleasant experience.
I know people find it very hard to leave us cats behind. After all, we are the center of their universe. Still, the pull of the open road, or the blue skies seems to have an undeniable pull, and they mistakenly believe we feel the same way. The next time your person pulls out the carrier, you need to make such a fuss that she’ll never try again unless it’s an emergency. If she does succeed in getting you into the carrier (for vet visits, it takes both my people to get me in that thing) work those lungs and yowl the whole time you’re cooped, as long as there’s anyone around who can hear you. Since we can’t do anything to make the airlines put cats in first class, our only option is to make traveling with cats so difficult, people will gladly leave us comfortably at home. I like the girl who takes care of me when my people are traveling so much, I sometimes wish they would go out of town more often.
As for your recent humiliation, I hate to say it, but your person is right. If you sue, you’ll be required to travel even more to show a court how traumatized you were. For all that, the only thing you’ll get is money, and what can we cats do with that? Go ahead and play up your suffering to your person. It should be good for at least two months of extra kitty treats.
Bon Voyage (not!)
Sammy
I am so disgusted with flying, I’m spitting mad. Last week, my person and I were looking forward to a nice vacation to the Catskills. It was going to be great. She bought a new wardrobe, and I got a new collar and a special carrier guaranteed to fit under the airplane seat. Not, my favorite way to travel, but it’s worth it to go to a place names for cats. Imagine my indignation, when upon boarding the plane, we found out the seats were smaller than advertised. No matter how much my person pushed, it just would not fit in that space. I can tell you, all that shaking was not pleasant. To add insult to injury, instead of letting me ride in the cockpit as an apology for misrepresenting their dimensions, they forced me to ride in baggage! You read right. BAGGAGE! With the dogs! How humiliating.
I was so upset, it took three naps before I could unwind and enjoy the vacation. I would have been a bundle of nerves the whole time, if my person hadn’t changed our return flight to another airline as soon as we landed, after the original airline refused to either return any of our money (at least the price of my fancy new carrier) or upgrade us to first class for the return.
My question for you, is what can we do about it now that we’re home. I think we should sue. After all, I went through a lot of pain and suffering. My person, however, thinks we should just forget about it. What do you think?
Outraged in Orangevale
Dear Outraged,
I find that the easiest solution to your problem is not to travel at all. I just don’t understand people’s obsession with seeing new places. I have a cozy bed, a nice fireplace, plenty of food and my hedgehog on a stick right here at home. What else could I possibly want to see. I’ve found that trips very rarely lead to anything worthwhile. Actually, most times I have to leave my home it’s to visit the vet, a nice guy, but not a pleasant experience.
I know people find it very hard to leave us cats behind. After all, we are the center of their universe. Still, the pull of the open road, or the blue skies seems to have an undeniable pull, and they mistakenly believe we feel the same way. The next time your person pulls out the carrier, you need to make such a fuss that she’ll never try again unless it’s an emergency. If she does succeed in getting you into the carrier (for vet visits, it takes both my people to get me in that thing) work those lungs and yowl the whole time you’re cooped, as long as there’s anyone around who can hear you. Since we can’t do anything to make the airlines put cats in first class, our only option is to make traveling with cats so difficult, people will gladly leave us comfortably at home. I like the girl who takes care of me when my people are traveling so much, I sometimes wish they would go out of town more often.
As for your recent humiliation, I hate to say it, but your person is right. If you sue, you’ll be required to travel even more to show a court how traumatized you were. For all that, the only thing you’ll get is money, and what can we cats do with that? Go ahead and play up your suffering to your person. It should be good for at least two months of extra kitty treats.
Bon Voyage (not!)
Sammy
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